Uncle Bart
by BlueSuedeShoes
Summary: Prompt from tadashee on LJ:  Bart uses Chloe and Oliver's child to pick up women on Halloween and Chloe is not happy about it.   more Bart than Chlollie, but eh


"I'm sorry, our son is _where_?"

Oliver glanced up from the drawing desk where he was working on a bow design. "With Bart," he repeated, not sure why it sounded like he was in trouble.

"Yes with Bart, but _where_?"

Oliver hesitated. "They're–they're not in the living room downstairs?" he asked, hoping she wasn't going to answer the way he thought she was going to answer.

* * *

><p>"Oh my God, he's such a cutie!" The girl in the Bunny costumed cooed, wiggling a finger at Connor who giggled and clumsily tried to grab it with his own chubby hand.<p>

"How old is he?" asked Cleopatra.

"He's just barely one year old," Bart said proudly, beaming with Connor in his arms.

"Are you the father?" asked Marilyn Monroe.

"Me?" Bart said, overdoing his surprise. "I wish. I'm just the uncle. Love the kid like he's my own, though," he added. The girls exchanged glances.

"That's sooo sweet," Cleopatra said. "Where are his parents?"

"They asked me to babysit, and even though I promised Father Reynolds that I would come to the church's charitable Halloween party, I just couldn't say no." He shrugged helplessly. "So here we are."

"That's really just adorable," the Bunny sighed.

"What's his costume supposed to be?" Marilyn asked, frowning slightly.

Bart tried to ignore the mortal wound she had just cost him. "Impulse," he said.

"Who?" they asked.

He winced internally. "He's one of the Justice League. Fastest man alive," he added to properly educate him.

"Oh that's right," the Bunny said. "I recognize the costume now." Bart immediately decided she was his favorite.

"Personally, I like Superman best," Marilyn said, "but you've got to admit, Aqua Man is really attractive."

"I like–"

"SO ARE ANY OF YOU LADIES MARRIED?" Bart asked a little too loudly, changing the subject away from the Justice League swoon-fest.

They shook their heads. "It's hard to find a man who wants to settle down," Cleopatra said.

Bart nodded sagely. "I know just what you mean. Most women are intimidated by a guy as young as me who's interested in a family."

"Y-you want kids?" the Bunny piped, as if she could barely believe it. "That's so attractive."

"Isn't it, though?" a fourth female voice said from behind Bart, a hand coming to rest on his shoulder. The blood drained from his face.

"Do you know him?" the girls asked curiously.

"I'm the mother," Chloe said brow raised. "And this is the father." Bart, who hadn't dared to turn around yet, swallowed tightly.

"Chloe! Oliver!" he said enthusiastically, turning to face them at last. "I was just telling them what great parents you are and how we're like family!"

Oliver's face remained stony, and Chloe just narrowed her eyes, folding her arms.

The three women, sensing some sort of tension, decided to take their leave. "Um…we're just going to go get some food," the Bunny said carefully. "I'm sure I'll see you around, Bart," she added, looking at him hopefully.

Bart gave her a weak grin, knowing he had about 9.4 seconds to live. He watched them go regretfully. "Sooo…" he said awkwardly. "Chloe, I thought you weren't getting home for another hour or two."

"Got done early," she said simply.

Something distracted Oliver. "What," he asked gravely, "is my son dressed as?"

Bart chuckled nervously. "Ah…me?"

Oliver ran a hand over his face. "That's it. No one in the League is ever babysitting for us again."

"Except Courtney," Chloe added practically.

"Except Courtney," he agreed. "Bart," he said, "please return my son to his mother."

Bart quickly handed him over and followed them toward the door. "Hey, I mean, if you guys are upset, you should consider the fact that I took him to a church party. I mean, I would never take Baby Chlollie anywhere inappropriate."

"Bart?" Chloe said.

"Yes?"

"If I were you, and I wanted anyone to ever pay for my food ever again, I would stop talking."

"No problem," he gulped, clamping his mouth shut.

Just as they were reaching the door, they heard a voice calling Bart's name. They all glanced up to see the woman in the Bunny costume maneuvering through the crowd to get to them.

"Oh good," she panted slightly. "I was worried I would miss you. I guess you kept him out past bedtime, huh?" she winked, grinning at him.

"Uh, yeah?" Bart said nervously, glancing at Chloe at Oliver out of the corner of his eye.

"Well anyway, I'm glad we met. Give me a call sometime, okay?" she said, stuffing a paper in his hand with her number on it. "My name's Lacey." She twisted a finger in her hair nervously. "Um, bye then," she gave a little wave, then kissed Connor on the head quickly. "Bye Baby Connor," she said in baby voice, unaware of the daggers in Chloe's eyes. With that, she disappeared back into the party.

Bart watched her go dreamily before Oliver clocked him in the back of the head. "Come on, Casanova," he said before pushing the door open for Chloe

Connor was looking at Bart over Chloe's shoulder with round brown eyes. Bart gave him a double thumbs up and mouthed "Nice one," at him before changing his expression to a gravely subdued one when Oliver shot him a look.


End file.
